Its time for Santa to come down from Antartica and give me a present in form of good appraisal and Salary hike. Yooo.. But before accepting this valuable present, ( dont know how much valuable will this present be, or better to say will I even get it or not ) I thought I should take a trip to home. I took a sick leave for 26th to 29th Dec with comments "I am going to fall sick from 26th to 29th." which interestingly got approved (funny cooporate culture. Isnt it ?) It was 21st night 11 pm when I booked the ticket for 22nd night (Friday) 2:45 am plane. (Well its not funny. It really a good feeling to finally get a ticket for a 2:45 am plane, when everything else travels, trains, planes is booked and everyday dad calling and scolding "you haven't booked the tickets yet ??? You are a completely useless fellow!") After an hour or so I got an email "your PNR number is XXXXX. ... Date: 22nd Dec Time: 2:45 am" 22nd Dec 2:45 am. hmm.. I thought how many hours still left to go home. And suddenly a thin shiver travelled from my abdomen to center of my skull and gave a blink. It was just 3 hours left ! I was so stupid. I wanted to book for 22nd Night means 23rd early morning 2 am. Damm !!
After rescheduling, finally I was before the Kingfisher counter in mumbai airport on 23rd Dec at 2am. The beautiful girl had finally found time for me after the long discussion with the angrez. ( I was wondering whether who was more chipku - the angrez or the KF girl ?) She told me "Good Morning" at 2 am when I was half sleepy and handed me the boarding pass. After security checkin I sat in a place from where I could see everybody (or better to say every girl). hmm .. there were few butterflies around for the same flight (For a moment I started believing my non-gujju friends who always said gujju girls are beauty queens) Aaaha, lets hope anyone of them would have a seat just beside me. The flight was delayed. Finally I was in the air bus and no sooner I found 30A, I jumped on it. The two seats beside me were empty. All hopes went in vein when a lady came along with her small 5 year old girl and took a place beside me. But it was good since there were two kids in the seat now and it was going to be a fun journey. The lady said "honey, u want to hug a pillow?" The kid agreed and took a small pillow and hugged it happily. (I thought of hugging the air hostess). Then the small girl said "mom, i dont feel comformatable in shoes". Her mom took out her shoes and the kid shaked her small hanging legs giggling. (I thought of taking out my shoes but that would make everyone around me hold their nose). hmm ... then there came along lime juice! The kid overflowed the liquid from our mouth falling it around everywhere. Her mom scolded her. I thought "so stupid kid". It was then I hit the elbow with the corner of seat and large amount of juice overflowed the plastic bottle and fell on my pants. Damm !! I thought "wat would people think if they saw it". In no second, I took out a magazine and kept it in my lap hopping everything would dry off before I reached. I looked at the small girl sitting beside me. She was watching cartoon channel and laughing. I smiled and closed my eyes. I thought of home, mom, dad, sis, ... days i spent in Ahmedabad ... and donno when I slept.
My eyes opened on a beach. I was lying on sand. I stood up and found many girls around in bikinies and playing in water. wow !! But suddenly I saw a girl drowning in sea. The hero in me woke up and I jumped in water to save her. She was unconscious. I carried her to my hotel room and layed her in bed. She opened her eyes "where am I?". "In hotel room baby. I saved you" I replied. She holded my hand and said "Take watever you want". I couldnt believe my eyes. She said again "Wat do you want from me ? Veg ? Non veg ?. You are free. You can take anything" I was about to reply "non-veg" when suddenly ..
Suddenly my eyes opened and I found the air hostess shaking my hand and speaking "Food sir, wat do you want ? Veg or Non-Veg?" I replied "Veg". Finally I landed and took an auto to my society. After I got down from auto and entered the society, I was welcomed by many barking dogs. I wanted to say "its me your old friend. Remember we used to play together ?" After reaching home I rang the bell at 4:45 am. Mom opened the door and I said "Surprise". :) Everybody in house woke up. My cousin brother said "Before you left ahmedabad there were only 4 dogs in society. And now there are 14". I commented "Count again. There will be 15 now".
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Bill Gate's Daughter
aa .. haaan. Don't go by the topic. Its just to tempt you to read this ;) Waise do you think its worth marrying her ? hmm .. could be a millionare in a single day. One could dance around everyday, spend money as if people feel its a rain of dollars. Go for world tours and talk crap with people "windows yeah.. windows woh .. I have this many shares of MS". Would be fun looking at Bill Gates speaking "Jamai raja kaise ho ?" !! You could give crap fundas to him and he ought to silently listen. Just speak anything "windows sucks. Linux is better. Bill, you got to improve the kernel design. Implement concepts like randomization of heap. The stack protection mechanism used in WinXP using security cookies basically sucks. You got to find out something better". All he could do is say "yes, yes". (Though we know he wont implement a bit of it. But would be fun to get a feeling of a ruler over the richest man on planet). However achieving it doesn't seem to be an easy job. It would need to be a smart fellow in order convince his daughter or Bill for marriage. err .. convince Bill to marry his daugther not him. huh.
One of the ways I can think of to achieve it is get a job in Microsoft. Do excellent work there. Try to get into meetings in which Bill is involved and give new fundas and impress. Lets imagine a situation. A meeting is going on with all techies with Bill sitting at the far end of the room very depressed!
Bill: Damm, these hackers have made life miserable. Everyday new virii, new worms, new 0days. We need to come up with a complete security solution to stop this.
Balmer: There is no way out. Linux has taken over us in security and people have started to trust it more than Ms. Its a failure for us.
Rosy: Mr Gates, there is no solution to this since we have already gone far enough in developement of operating system and its impossible for us to go back and redesign a secured architecture.
(Now its my turn. I remind myself of Eminem song "one opportunity, one shot ... ". I tell myself "yes, this is time. Explode. Come on baby get up")
Me: There is a solution !!
(Everyone raises their head and stares at me with widened and puzzled eyes.)
(I stand up to explain staring at the ground and taking few steps towards bill as if thinking deeply and speaking).
"Majority of the problems are related to buffer overflow attacks. We could implement a program which runs at the basic kernel level, beyond which no driver could reach. It could be done having some restrictions in Kernel. This specific program would compare argument lenghts passed to any subroutine and available buffer in the stack and heap. Any arguments with lengths more than buffer size limits would be considered as an attempt to exploit. ... .. ...
...some more blah .. blah ...
...security... breaches... overflows.. hackers ... vulnerabilities ...
...some more blah .. blah ...
(I conclude with my hands banging on the table) I bet nobody in the world could be able to break this system.
(Everyone looking at me as if looking at a sun which rose for first time in life of Microsoft)
Bill: You are genius !! That was an amazing concept. Thatz exactly what I was looking for !!
Balmer: I never believed we could ever beat linux. But implementing this concept it seems we will capture the market.
Rosy: wow!! Player .. wat are you doing this weekend ?
Bill: Would you consider to marry my daughter ? I could also give you 50% of MS shares. We both could bring MS to top.
Me: (showing some attitude) Your offer sounds good. Would it fine if I take some time to ponder on it and get back to you tomorrow ?
oops enough dreams :) Let me eat something for dinner and dig myself back to "False Impression" by Jeffery Archer.
One of the ways I can think of to achieve it is get a job in Microsoft. Do excellent work there. Try to get into meetings in which Bill is involved and give new fundas and impress. Lets imagine a situation. A meeting is going on with all techies with Bill sitting at the far end of the room very depressed!
Bill: Damm, these hackers have made life miserable. Everyday new virii, new worms, new 0days. We need to come up with a complete security solution to stop this.
Balmer: There is no way out. Linux has taken over us in security and people have started to trust it more than Ms. Its a failure for us.
Rosy: Mr Gates, there is no solution to this since we have already gone far enough in developement of operating system and its impossible for us to go back and redesign a secured architecture.
(Now its my turn. I remind myself of Eminem song "one opportunity, one shot ... ". I tell myself "yes, this is time. Explode. Come on baby get up")
Me: There is a solution !!
(Everyone raises their head and stares at me with widened and puzzled eyes.)
(I stand up to explain staring at the ground and taking few steps towards bill as if thinking deeply and speaking).
"Majority of the problems are related to buffer overflow attacks. We could implement a program which runs at the basic kernel level, beyond which no driver could reach. It could be done having some restrictions in Kernel. This specific program would compare argument lenghts passed to any subroutine and available buffer in the stack and heap. Any arguments with lengths more than buffer size limits would be considered as an attempt to exploit. ...
...some more blah .. blah ...
...security... breaches... overflows.. hackers ... vulnerabilities ...
...some more blah .. blah ...
(I conclude with my hands banging on the table) I bet nobody in the world could be able to break this system.
(Everyone looking at me as if looking at a sun which rose for first time in life of Microsoft)
Bill: You are genius !! That was an amazing concept. Thatz exactly what I was looking for !!
Balmer: I never believed we could ever beat linux. But implementing this concept it seems we will capture the market.
Rosy: wow!! Player .. wat are you doing this weekend ?
Bill: Would you consider to marry my daughter ? I could also give you 50% of MS shares. We both could bring MS to top.
Me: (showing some attitude) Your offer sounds good. Would it fine if I take some time to ponder on it and get back to you tomorrow ?
oops enough dreams :) Let me eat something for dinner and dig myself back to "False Impression" by Jeffery Archer.
Monday, December 4, 2006
Riot Experience
Imagine an innocent man being showered with kerosene by a group of slayers. His charred body running on open street with a fearful scream, crying for help. Well it’s not a nightmare but a reality which still can be seen in India during riots. Pune was under curfew for two days due to disturbances in some parts of the city. It’s not just Pune, but whole Maharashtra experienced the panic.
The memories of 2002 Gujarat riots flashed back before me. I was in second year of college pursuing the Engineering Degree. There was a college bus which picked us up from Ahmadabad and traveled 120 kms till college. The bus used to travel through few sensitive parts of the city.
It was one pleasant morning, we were traveling listening to radio mirchi and unaware of what massacre had occurred at previous midnight in a particular area. The road was traffic less and the street was waking up because of the sound of bus. People were gazing at the bus as if it contained 100 assassins. The driver felt the sensitiveness of the situation and switched off the radio. Students in terror were looking out of window wishing everything would go fine. However it didn’t!
The bus suddenly came to halt. Students inside the bus felt a thin shiver in their body. I was sitting on the last seat as always. Three muscular dark colored men entered the bus barking out slogans. A commanding voice, from one of them, demanded everyone to be seated and not to say a word. It was complete silence which broke with the foot steps of one of those religious fighters. He had a huge knife, almost equal to a sword, in his right hand held tight up in the air. His left hand had curved strong and big fingers as if looking for a neck to hold and cut it off with sword. Who would be that victim? Me? Anyone else? Or all?!!! The deeper he entered in the bus, more did the students tremble. It was a night mare to imagine the touch of a thin lined sharp sword on the neck. As he came nearer to the last seat, where I was sitting, I could see a tiny drop of red liquid trying to escape from sword and fall down. Was it blood? (off course duh) . However, I bet he didn’t require a sword to kill anyone. His fearful red eyes throwing fire balls were enough to kill anyone with terror. After reaching at the end of bus, he glanced at each one of us sitting on the last seat. The moments were terrifying since we never knew which one would be the last moment of our life. However, when he felt that none of us is harmful, he turned to go back. It was then an idiot college mate “N”, sitting on second last seat tried to act over smart and spoke loudly “Jai Ramji ki”.
The beast turned back! He stared at “N” for seconds as if a lion watching his prey waiting for the right time to attack. “N” realized his mistake, curved his body and tried to move a little towards the window. “T” sitting beside “N” seemed as if would die of fear even if someone suddenly touched him. I felt my throat to have jammed and couldn’t swallow the saliva. However, due to god’s grace, the giant broke his contact of eyes with “N” and went straight back to the driver. He had a small chat with the driver who explained that we were college students. The religious fighter directed him the safe way to move out the area and in 1.5 hours we were in college sharing the terrifying experience with others.
The memories of 2002 Gujarat riots flashed back before me. I was in second year of college pursuing the Engineering Degree. There was a college bus which picked us up from Ahmadabad and traveled 120 kms till college. The bus used to travel through few sensitive parts of the city.
It was one pleasant morning, we were traveling listening to radio mirchi and unaware of what massacre had occurred at previous midnight in a particular area. The road was traffic less and the street was waking up because of the sound of bus. People were gazing at the bus as if it contained 100 assassins. The driver felt the sensitiveness of the situation and switched off the radio. Students in terror were looking out of window wishing everything would go fine. However it didn’t!
The bus suddenly came to halt. Students inside the bus felt a thin shiver in their body. I was sitting on the last seat as always. Three muscular dark colored men entered the bus barking out slogans. A commanding voice, from one of them, demanded everyone to be seated and not to say a word. It was complete silence which broke with the foot steps of one of those religious fighters. He had a huge knife, almost equal to a sword, in his right hand held tight up in the air. His left hand had curved strong and big fingers as if looking for a neck to hold and cut it off with sword. Who would be that victim? Me? Anyone else? Or all?!!! The deeper he entered in the bus, more did the students tremble. It was a night mare to imagine the touch of a thin lined sharp sword on the neck. As he came nearer to the last seat, where I was sitting, I could see a tiny drop of red liquid trying to escape from sword and fall down. Was it blood? (off course duh) . However, I bet he didn’t require a sword to kill anyone. His fearful red eyes throwing fire balls were enough to kill anyone with terror. After reaching at the end of bus, he glanced at each one of us sitting on the last seat. The moments were terrifying since we never knew which one would be the last moment of our life. However, when he felt that none of us is harmful, he turned to go back. It was then an idiot college mate “N”, sitting on second last seat tried to act over smart and spoke loudly “Jai Ramji ki”.
The beast turned back! He stared at “N” for seconds as if a lion watching his prey waiting for the right time to attack. “N” realized his mistake, curved his body and tried to move a little towards the window. “T” sitting beside “N” seemed as if would die of fear even if someone suddenly touched him. I felt my throat to have jammed and couldn’t swallow the saliva. However, due to god’s grace, the giant broke his contact of eyes with “N” and went straight back to the driver. He had a small chat with the driver who explained that we were college students. The religious fighter directed him the safe way to move out the area and in 1.5 hours we were in college sharing the terrifying experience with others.
Saturday, December 2, 2006
Friday Night
Its friday night (yuppeeeee ..), however me still sitting in office. Just completed the work. Have good plans after going home. hmm ... hope the room mates plan a night out in apache (My favourite place). For those who are not from pune, lemme tell you apache is not that opensource webserver. But its a PUB !! Playing all my favourite rock songs (including Rammstein). Man you should see "S" and me head banging, while "SL" just drinking and thinking "pagal sale peene aate hai ki dance karne". Watever he thinks is actually true. Rock songs se bhi nasha chadta hai. Ask "S". Many times in Apache I close my eyes listening to drumb beats and shake hand and leg with it. And then open my eyes to see "S" and "SL" laughing at me. They say i got a typical funny style of shaking my hand (offcourse not the way you dirty minds think. Its different. You got to see me for it). Many times the waiter comes and keeps shouting "sir bill !!" Par sunega kaun ? All are busy head banging on Du Hast like a mad woman infected with ghost shaking around with all her hair spread out! I can feel all blood vessels in body running in a race to get first. heart pumping like a time bomb which could explode any moment. Pulses getting widened and widended as if they would tear the skin and come out! Mind completely in sync with drum beats and heart whispering "come on get up, kick out that guy sitting with a blonde on next table and take her along." (offcourse i dont do that par dil to dil hai. It doesnt know wat is good or bad). Rock songs make me feel "forget the world, forget rules, believe in youself and do watever your heart says" !! I hope to write a blog once while sitting in apache to express the complete feeling i get at that moment.
Now coming back to my cube in office. I have to go home in auto now. I have already missed the bus. There is no company too. Sometimes a tamilian girl "M" comes along with me since she lives in a place nearby. All she can speak in hindi is "Maska mat karo bhaiya"!!! Some stupid idiot girls taught her this line. (Dont know why many girls make me bhaiya ??? ) I taught her few hindi words too. Like if you wanna say "you are good" then say "tum nalayak ho". After sweating a lot I finally corrected her pronouncation. But woh kehte hai naa "meri billi mujse mew". Harroj aake wo mujhi ko yeah sentence sunati thi. Anyways in return I had asked her "What do we say to a beautiful girl in tamil?" She replied "Akka" I noted it and used it many times. It was quite late when my room mate "A" (that Coimbture guy) told me it means "elder sister" !!!
My transport medium to home is a company bus till one stop and then auto from there to home. Auto se yaad aaya. I had once met a drunkard auto guy. While driving he was speaking "yeah auto chalana toh logo ki seva hai !! Mein kamane ke liye thoda chalata hoon ? Jindagi mein aaj tak kabhi meine kisiko kahi bhi jaane ke liye 'naa' nahi kaha. Baaki sab auto wale sale kamine hote hai. Meter se ek rupiya bhi kabhi jyada nahi liya meine ! Mein yeah mein woh ..." I was like kaafi dharmatma aadmi hai. (Generally I get impressed by people pretty fast like that dog whom if you serve just a chapati, would get ready to die for you) When my stop came I saw a sudden personality change in that autowala ... like a rocket shot up suddenly takes a "U" turn running back to you with full speed. His mouth explodes 50 Rs for meter showing clearly 30. I am like who would like to take panga with a drunkard and hand him watever it amount is. Just the place where I got down there was a lady requesting to same autowala "Shivajinagar chaloge ?" I could feel my eyeballs rolling around when that autowala anounced "chal hut" and rode off !
Now coming back to my cube in office. I have to go home in auto now. I have already missed the bus. There is no company too. Sometimes a tamilian girl "M" comes along with me since she lives in a place nearby. All she can speak in hindi is "Maska mat karo bhaiya"!!! Some stupid idiot girls taught her this line. (Dont know why many girls make me bhaiya ??? ) I taught her few hindi words too. Like if you wanna say "you are good" then say "tum nalayak ho". After sweating a lot I finally corrected her pronouncation. But woh kehte hai naa "meri billi mujse mew". Harroj aake wo mujhi ko yeah sentence sunati thi. Anyways in return I had asked her "What do we say to a beautiful girl in tamil?" She replied "Akka" I noted it and used it many times. It was quite late when my room mate "A" (that Coimbture guy) told me it means "elder sister" !!!
My transport medium to home is a company bus till one stop and then auto from there to home. Auto se yaad aaya. I had once met a drunkard auto guy. While driving he was speaking "yeah auto chalana toh logo ki seva hai !! Mein kamane ke liye thoda chalata hoon ? Jindagi mein aaj tak kabhi meine kisiko kahi bhi jaane ke liye 'naa' nahi kaha. Baaki sab auto wale sale kamine hote hai. Meter se ek rupiya bhi kabhi jyada nahi liya meine ! Mein yeah mein woh ..." I was like kaafi dharmatma aadmi hai. (Generally I get impressed by people pretty fast like that dog whom if you serve just a chapati, would get ready to die for you) When my stop came I saw a sudden personality change in that autowala ... like a rocket shot up suddenly takes a "U" turn running back to you with full speed. His mouth explodes 50 Rs for meter showing clearly 30. I am like who would like to take panga with a drunkard and hand him watever it amount is. Just the place where I got down there was a lady requesting to same autowala "Shivajinagar chaloge ?" I could feel my eyeballs rolling around when that autowala anounced "chal hut" and rode off !
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